21 November 2015

A poem I wrote in another blog

cloudy eyes and sailing thoughts


Again on watch, as my poetry goes
It seems like my only inspiration these days.
The olympiad sounds from the screen behind
But it's near three am so it's all replays.
If you'll wait a moment, I'll make a note
In the duty log, zero three hundred -- secure
Four and a half hours left, thank god!
Then out of this uniform and in bed for sure.
I'm distracted you know, so much going on
In my head: a constant tornado of sorts;
And I'm exhausted, can't wait for my thoughts
-Dissapointed ships- to secure in their ports.
So, driving home, soon - not soon enough
I'll breathe "Deo Gratias" at the thought of my bed
I so welcome sleep, which keeps me from thinking
And for a moment erases the things that were said.



(the url for this blog came from the title of this poem)

27 December 2014

It was Christmas Day...

I lay prostrate on the ground and breathed out the last sincere words of the Christmas novena: Hail and blessed be...

Shortly thereafter I climbed into bed and thanked God for the wonderful Christmas He had blessed me with.

I don't know what came over me.  The low and deepening depression that had been lowering over my head for the past few months came to a point.  And without warning it pierced my heart like a sharp, cold iron spike.  I lay quietly in the dark on that frozen winter night, and without warning hot, sorrowful tears coursed slowly down my cheeks .

I will never forget you. I will always pray for you. And as I lay there I offered up the sadness in my heart to the Lord for you. That you will find your way, your happiness, and the will of God.

A year ago I bravely decided to open up my heart after ten long years of uncertainty and fear of.... i don't know what... and I told you that I love you.  And I did.  And I knew that eventually I'd get over it.

I pray that you will no longer be lost.

May the Divine Infant bless you and our holy Mother guide you always.

30 September 2014

Wowwy

Oh lawdy! Whatever have you done!

26 August 2014

Midnight gym sesh



(Missing my workout buddy =\ )

24 August 2014

Hmmm

Tomorrow I have a date after Mass.  Out to dinner we'll go.  He  wants to have drinks afterwards but that will be the end of the night for me. I'm on 24/7 SAPR duty this week and can't be drinking. It's actually working out in my favor to be the perfect excuse to end the evening. I detest going on dates. They're usually just fine, but I'm not the type that generally enjoys them. Granted I've only been on about six in the past seven and a half years... so I can't really claim experience in the field. My old friend John says I have a phobia. I don't. I'm just ridiculously picky. To a fault I guess. But I know what I want. I've always known. I met someone once who fit the billet. My heart will never be same. But we met each other late in life... and well, life is hard to change when you start getting set in. I believed his eyes. They spoke volumes about his heart that his words would not. But he is sad and lonely and afraid to move. And his lack of decision or maybe lack of courage... but maybe I'm completely wrong.  But maybe I'm just being blind and maybe I was just someone for him to lean on and let go.
As it stands my decision to release and encourage him to move forward with his life is still in effect.

They say (whoever they seemingly are) that we should let go those whom we love, and if the love is truly returned, that person will come back to us.
So come back to me my dear. Sure I do stuff and live my life and make friends and go on dates. But you are the the gym towel to my water bottle; the first class mess to my galley; the home where my heart is. I'm waiting. And praying. And will continue to do so.

03 August 2014

Final descent into Paris

We've begun our descent into CDG, Paris. I'll just have barely enough time to get through customs and onto my next flight to Toulouse. There I'll be meeting Emma Gilmartin (DeTar) and together we will have a lovely Sunday afternoon lunch and shopping in the Southern French countryside.
On the way here I stopped in a sunglass shop and bought a new pair of raybans. Having "lost" my wayfarers at mom's I've felt practically naked without my favorite sunnies. Honestly I doubt they were lost - hence the quotation marks. If one of the girls borrowed them then thats alright she can have them. But I have a sneaking suspicion that J stole them to pawn for drug money. I pray dear Lord, that you help him to the first step of realizing his addiction and accepting our help. Before it's too late.
How lovely she is La France! Even from the air. I've got tears of joy and excitement! I haven't seen Cassie in over a year, and the last time I was in this part of France was 13 years ago!
Oh - there go the landing gears - I can feel them. SO EXCITED!
On a side note, I miss the other half of my heart terribly. I hope I get over this sooner than later.

11 May 2014

On watch

So this week I have the base roving SAPR watch. Every night. For seven days straight. Bleh. But it's really not so very bad. I have Chief Ramirez with me and he's not a boring fellow. And now I know my way around the base. So good learning experience all around.